Card-Carrying Wisconsinite

Although I have lived in Wisconsin for most of my life, I have continued to think of myself as an economic refugee from southwestern Pennsylvania. But it’s hard to deny these signs of residency in the Badger State. Over the last two weeks I picked up my 2022 state parks vehicle sticker, my 2022 state trail pass, and—the icing on the cake—a Kwik Trip rewards card.

I remain steadfast in my opposition to your pro and college sports teams, Wisconsin. I still have never been to your state fair or to Door County and I don’t see why I should bother. You will never catch me ice fishing or playing Sheepshead. “Up North” (wherever that may be) is too cold for me even in summer. And most of your beer is cheap, lowest-common-denominator swill. But you do have fine mountain bike trails, and I’m now ready to start enjoying them again!