|"Where’s the kaboom? There was supposed to be an Earth-shattering kaboom!"|
Summer in Wisconsin is like tantric sex: it’s not what you really want, but it’s better than nothing. Take this weekend, for example. Friday was gloomy with rain scattered throughout the day. I took some unscheduled rest and got mechanical work done on my 29er, my cyclocross bike, and my little-used Raleigh road bike. Saturday was gloomy still—the whole day looked like 8 p.m.—and it was 10 degrees below normal, but at least it was dry. I knocked out a solo metric century in under 3.5 hours. I have done one metric century per month for the last five months, beginning in April with Cheesehead Roubaix. Today’s weather was a little better. On my 35-mile solo road ride I surpassed 4,000 miles, year-to-date. That used to be a big milestone but now it’s just another statistic.
I’m riding strongly and I’m putting up big numbers: 11-12 hours in the saddle and 200+ miles, week after week. And yet I am struggling to stay motivated because it seems like all this training is building up to nothing. I really want to race but I keep denying myself because I still haven’t resolved my employment situation. With no job, bad insurance, and dwindling cash reserves, I should continue to regard racing as an unnecessary risk and expense. But if this year ends and all I can point to is one mid-pack race result, then I will be very disappointed no matter how much riding I do.